Where have I been…?

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So much for that two day hiatus…

Big sorry on my end! Things have been a little crazy in my life and blogging had to take a backseat! I will try to get back into the saddle of things as we calm down but I make no promises because as I’ve said before…. life happens.

So none of you may know this (never mentioned it) I have lupus, and it can really take every single thing you’ve got and then some to drag yourself from bed and just live your daily life. It is…. I don’t even know how to explain it, but you have really amazing days where everything is going perfect and you feel normal (aside from regular aches and pains) and like nothing can stop you!

And then you have days where just doing the bare minimum seems like an impossible task. That’s where I’ve been, and my son had a horrible case of hives due to laundry detergent… it’s been about as fun and glamorous as you can imagine! My husband was gone for most of this so mom did her best to power through because this is as good as it gets when it comes to deployment practice. I really did try to sit down at night to write something out but I didn’t even know where to begin.

But I am trying now as I feel as close to normal as I will feel for the next few weeks. (I know myself very well, just like I know it’ll take some time for me to go back to normal) So with that being said, let’s dive into today and do a little run down of what I’ve been doing with my workouts and eating and other stuff… (HA)

Today we had our 1 year checkup! It went as expected, my main concern was if he would be able to get his last vaccinations on time due to our hives scare, and thankfully he was. However he wasn’t his usual ray of sunshine self, and obviously not during the shots. J has always hated shots, what baby doesn’t though? But usually he doesn’t mind meeting new people, he is all smiles and banter and eager to show off. Today he was simply not having it.

Maybe he was overwhelmed by all of the cool decorations or maybe someone gave off a bad vibe? I have no clue! Either way he wasn’t having it, he was not happy and mommy was not cutting it. And after his blistering last round of shots (not including boosters) he was more than ready to go home, in fact we both were. The car ride getting there just about pulled me into the land of the dead and I wasn’t entirely sure I’d be able to pull myself out of it.

Anyway, we also had to have blood drawn and as you can imagine after having shots VERY recently beforehand I was not hopeful for a behavioral turnaround. However he WAS in a much better mood. Maybe because she had a cool chair he could sit at and he got to hangout with dad while mom did the paperwork, (boring) I may never know… I wasn’t about to kick a gifted horse in the mouth. (I think that is the saying? Please don’t quote me on that)

Even with his sudden mood turn around we did end up with a few tears after the blood draw, which was to be expected and I am proud of how well he handled everything today. I wish the nurse had been a touch more gentle about her ministrations because his legs are still bleeding pretty badly and I see bruises forming. (GRRRRRR) But he is happy as a clam now, happy to be home and happy to be with mom and dad and big sissy. We are hoping dad has a half day tomorrow so we can lounge around and be prepared for any possible come down side effects.

It’s been a pretty rough week with that being said. I realize that the distance between us and family when it comes to a serious emergency could hinder positive outcomes and what type of help we can get and how we get it. I am not going to boast about how I am super mom and how I can do it all by myself and that I never ever need help because that simply isn’t the case! I told you guys (whoever is reading) that the chances of me being gone for more than two days was unlikely…. and then life happened. I wish I could chalk it up to laziness but that simply isn’t the case.

I’m sure some of you are thinking: why not just type a quick post up on your phone” to which I will reply: what phone?

My lovely amazing children murdered my phone, and I don’t say that lightly. It took a swim in the toilet boil and later was knocked off the counter (from the rice bowl it rested so nicely in) and promptly shattered. Picking up a phone is a lot easier than dusting off and bringing out the laptop, so there is my (totally legitimate) excuse for that.

Also I wasn’t entirely sure if anyone was even invested in my being gone so…! If so forgive me. But I cannot control the sh*t storm that has been going down.

As for my workouts and eating? Haven’t really been eating much to be honest, haven’t had the energy or the drive to eat! Whenever I get down, and the pain starts taking over I don’t focus on food. I don’t really get hungry and I do have to force myself to eat most times and it’ll escape me until the day winds down to a close and I’m lying in bed exhausted with a thousand and one reasons not to get up and feed myself.

And I haven’t been working out, that is just the plain simple truth. I know a lot of people would probably say you should have stuck to your guns and just powered through but I am not that strong. I know my limits and I knew that I could not physically do it. I accept that I am not superwoman and I put my all into making sure my son got 110% from me because that is what he deserves. Also since I wasn’t really eating I’m not entirely sure how productive working out would have been? I don’t think I would have had any energy to workout anyway.

I don’t know, it is all fuzzy and messy and we are getting ourselves back to normal, or at the very least I am. I don’t know who is reading this anymore but trust yourself and your limits. Remember that self care isn’t a joke and if someone wants to give you sh*t for something you physically can’t do at the moment….. f*ck’em!

~Drace~

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