Let’s switch it up!

Severely home sick and thankful.

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My imaginary schedule that I have often means random walks and trips to the park and play area just up the street. The dog loves being outside and my son doesn’t ever seem to get tired of swinging and it is a nice little piece of exercise for this lazy momma. the weather was near perfect today and baby J was itching to get out and do something fun, at least I’m pretty sure that’s what he was getting at by crawling around looking for everything he wasn’t supposed to be getting into. It was a little too hot for the dog so I switched on the AC gave Elsa a bone and we left!

Normally (not to say anyone is snobby/stuck up or rude) I don’t come across anyone and if I do we don’t normally strike up a conversation, everyone prefers to mind their own business and I imagine unlike me they have routines that they stick to, routines that do not involve getting into a three hour conversation and trading birth stories….but that is exactly what happened…and I was pleasantly surprised. I’ve only had a handful of ten minute conversations with people since the move so this was a refreshing change of pace.

And although those conversations were nice and trading snippets is good for ones sanity after spending all day talking to a little human who can only babble in response, having a longer in depth conversation with someone (an adult) who understood and lived through a lot of the same things I have was much better.

And despite the age gap between our kids her toddler had my son laughing and smiling the entire time, there weren’t any tears or meltdowns! How lucky were we! But on the walk back I realized how much I missed my sister. My entire family actually. We talk everyday (social media…thank you!) but it isn’t the same as being face to face and spending time together. I was getting homesick.

Admittedly I don’t always go out of my way to meet new people, I already have a group of close friends and for me that is perfectly enough, but my sister is a hard person to replace, in fact I don’t think it is actually possible.

Before we moved we literally only lived one street apart, being within walking distance meant we spent a LOT of time together, and even before then we shared a room forever and even shared the same jobs! Before the move the longest I’d ever been away from her was two maybe three months, I remember being adamant about not wanting to meet anyone and being a very closed off person.

Her and my mom were my shopping buddies and I didn’t need anyone new trying to horn in on the balance we had struck sometime long ago. We were a trio and spare of the moment was what we did best.

I don’t have to put on airs with my sister (and mom) and I didn’t have to survive the awkward first meeting process when you’re still trying to figure out if the friendship is even going to work/last.

Soon she will be getting married and it is unlikely that I will be able to attend and that crushes me. I was over the moon when she FINALLY got engaged. (I’m just joking don’t kill me) I knew it probably wasn’t going to be one of those “Say yes to the dress” weddings because that is totally not her (or my) style, but I still imagined I would be there in some way. Now I’m unreasonably far away and by the time I got all my hatches battened down I wouldn’t have any energy to enjoy a visit, that and I’d be too worried something was going wrong here.

It isn’t just my sister I miss, I miss all of ‘my people’ because doesn’t everyone have a small group of close friends that they consider family, that they think of as an extension of family? People who randomly check in on them or they go months without talking but pick up right where they left off from the last time?

Maybe not…but that is honestly how I am. Being 4ish hours away from many of my friends lessens the loneliness that creeps in from time to time. But there is something to be said about a family member who you’ve never actually fought with and spent close to everyday together up until the last month.

I thought that when I got my household goods I would slip back into normalcy and relax, that I would start laying down a new foundation and maybe actually have some sort of schedule going on….but I don’t. Things are still missing and people I love to death aren’t within arms reach anymore and that is a huge part of being at home and comfortable and happy. I look forward to the vacations we will take back to see them, but I dread that moment when we will have to leave again and start the waiting process all over.

I talked to my dad the other day. During the call I was just fine, it didn’t feel like anything out of the ordinary, a regular conversation. After the call however I felt an overwhelming urge to cry. I missed him, during the trip back up to get the dog I wasn’t able to say goodbye because he was visiting his mother. Thinking nothing of it after I got the all clear that it wasn’t an emergency visit I pushed it to the back of my mind which was fairly easy to do considering how tired we were.

It was only just now hitting home however that I wouldn’t be able to see him for a long time no doubt and that I wished I had had more time to say goodbye or maybe more visits. I hardly have any pictures of my dad, he doesn’t do the whole ‘Facebook or whatever’ thing. I really wish he did however because that would honestly make for some pretty funny blogs if you ask me.

Everyone keeps asking me how we are doing and settling in and my answer is always the same: we are great!” because we are, but that doesn’t take away from how much someone can miss their family and old life. Spare of the moment dinner, random trips to the store, cooking at each others place and taking the dogs down to the old fenced in baseball field to run wild for a little while. And I can’t forget the video game matches!

I miss it. it’d be a lie if I said I didn’t. But again, we are happy, everyone can always be doing just a little better than they already are. So thank you to the stranger who was bold enough to strike up a conversation with me out of nowhere, I needed it so I could face everything I’ve been trying to bury down deep inside and forget. Also she had amazing hair and her child’s curls were amazing!

I’ll get used to this lifestyle one day, I’ll get used to the distance and the weird way things are done in this little section of the planet and all the other places, but for now I am not used to it and coping is something that becomes a little easier everyday. It will get better and the adjustment will be made fully, it’ll just take a little more time I imagine and I have plenty of that!

~Drace~

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